A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas

Land of Misfit Haze

Director: Todd Strauss-Schulson

Writers: Jon Hurwitz, Hayden Schlossberg
Cast: Kal Penn, John Cho, Thomas Lennon, Amir Blumenfeld, Danny Trejo, Paula Garcés, Neil Patrick Harris, Elias Koteas, Jordan Hinson

SYNOPSIS: Six years after the escape from Guantanamo Bay, Harold is married and successful, while Kumar is alone and without a job. On Christmas Eve, when Harold's father-in-law's uber-meaningful home-grown Christmas tree goes up in smoke, Harold and Kumar begrudgedly re-team to find a replacement.

REVIEW: TV movie and video short director Todd Strauss-Schulson takes the directing reins for the third Harold and Kumar adventure, now revolving around the Christmas holidays. Written by Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg, character creators and writers of the first two films, A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas takes a hint from Chevy Chase and the National Lampoon's Vacation franchise by targeting a holiday. Wait...dude... are the Harold and Kumar films a direct parallel to Vacation? First a film about a quest, then a trip out of the country, now a holiday event! It may be the second-hand buzz, but I think I have stumbled across a conspiracy of epic proportion!

The film opens on Kumar (Kal Penn) cutting the line to see the mall's Santa Claus. Then we see a successful Harold (John Cho) looking out over a mob of Wall Street protesters. The two have grown apart in their friendship, both dealing with their own lives and issues. When Harold's wife Maria's (Paula Garcés) father and her extended show up on Christmas Eve to stay for the holidays, Mr. Perez (Danny Trejo) brings with him a home-growth 8-year-old fir tree that holds special meaning for him and the Christmas holidays. When Kumar receives a package at his apartment addressed to Harold, he decides to deliver it to Harold, setting off a chain reaction that starts off with a house fire and ends up with a bullet-ridden Santa Claus.

What makes a crazy concept like Harold and Kumar work in any of their films is... you guessed it... conflict! Wait! What? No, it's not the endless joint smoking or bong hitting. No, it's not the gratuitous anatomical references and full on camera shots to their extremities. No, it's not about being immature or graphic. In A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas, while the aforementioned are certainly silly, funny and vulgar, its the conflict and pursuit of resolution that propels the story and makes you care about the characters. Kumar is dealing with the loss of his job and some unexpected news (No Spoilers Here). Harold is dealing with Maria's disapproving father and must take on the quest to replace Mr. Perez's sacred Christmas tree and have it decorated before the family returns from Midnight Mass in Manhattan. The impossible situations that Harold and Kumar put or find themselves in, ultimately, keeps the audience interested and engaged. All of the crazy antics and references are just the bonus decorations on the tree.

A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas also does something other than simply entertaining the potheads and fans of the franchise. Like Elf, it pays homage to so many of the other Christmas episodes and movies that exist in the canon of holiday cinema. Nods of the cap with a claymation sequence, the majesty of Manhattan at its beautiful best during November and December, an unexpected gift in an ornate hand carved and velvet lined box, the candy cane and tin soldier musical number, and more.

Older but not necessarily wiser, John Cho's Harold still needs to loosen up, and Kal Penn's Kumar still needs to grow up. Neil Patrick Harris's... er, Neil Patrick Harris sings, dances and reminds us why he is a cult and mainstream icon (just see an episode of How I Met Your Mother to see how legend... wait for it...dary! he is). Old friends and flames return to the third entry of the franchise, ever-changing and ever-entertaining. The 3D is good, especially when the coils of heavy smoke drifts into our faces or an egg from a member of an angry mob gets hurled at us.

A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas is fun for its fan base. But do not let the endearing title fool you. Keep the kids away unless you want to have to explain a few things to them after, or during, the film. So get your wrapping papers ready and enjoy the trip!

WORTH: Matinee or DVD (for franchise fans)

Machete

Just Talkin' 'Bout Machete!

[Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Robert De Niro, Jeff Fahey, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagel, Don Johnson]

image from calitreview.com

RANT: Labor Day weekend comes and goes. A day trip to Hershey Park accented the official end of Summer. The in-ground pools can now be covered and the BBQs can be cleaned and put away. But we can always put on the pool heater and cook the steaks well into October. Just like film at the cinema, we can always keep Summer (and Summer movies) alive.

SYNOPSIS: Ex-Federale Machete is left for dead by drug cartel boss Torrez. 3 years later, Machete surfaces in Texas as a day laborer, faced with a $150,000 offer to assassinate Texas Senator McLaughlin, who is in favor of building a border wall and deporting all illegal Mexicans.

Robert Rodriguez and cousin Alvaro write and Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis direct the expanded trailer of the same name from the faux coming attractions between the Grindhouse films "Planet Terror" and "Death Proof". So well received as a trailer in 2007, Rodriguez contemplated making "Machete" into a full length feature. And here it is!

For fans of Tarantino and Rodriguez homage films like "Kill Bill: Volume 1" and "Grindhouse", "Machete" will become a welcome edition to those directors' canon of films. "Machete" is Mexploitation at its best! Of course, I guess I would have to find some other 1970s Mexican ass kicker films to put it against. That's okay though, because Shaft, Super Fly, and Black Dynamite ain't got anything on Danny Trejo.

Danny Trejo plays the title character with the classic 1970s tough guy flair. Never changing, Machete is a singularly driven hero archetype. As a ex-Federale, Machete is considered C.I.A, D.E.A. and U.S. Marshall all rolled into one. He pursues justice, even if he has to mow down a thug or two with a large swinging blade.

To match the charisma and machismo of Danny Trejo, Rodriguez has assemble a cadre of villains to confront and confound him. Steven Seagal stars as the mexican drug lord Torrez who kills Machete's wife point blank and stabs and leaves Machete for dead in a burning shack. Don Johnson stars as border vigilante Lt. Stillman, bent on eradicating the infestation that is the Mexican illegals. Recorded on the human hunting expedition with Stillman is Robert De Niro's Senator McLaughlin, anxious to put up a border wall between Texas and Mexico. Jeff Fahey stars as McLaughlin's aide Booth who is more devious than his boss.

Even though Machete is facing insurmountable odds, he is helped by the lovely ICE agent Santana (Jessica Alba), the Mexican underground Network and its leader Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), and his padre brother (Cheech Marin).

Ass-kicking is abound, classic 70s B-movie cinematographic slop cropping is evident, gratuitous nude scenes are expertly inserted at strategic moments (just ask Lindsey Lohan and her onscreen mother June, Alicia Marek) and almost everyone gets their just desserts of burrito justice. Although the story is pure schlock, the subject matter is surprisingly relevant.

Worth: Matinee and DVD (for the fans)

I am also trying out a new rating system shown below based on reader reaction to my somewhat complex monetary rating scale. I will give both ratings and see what kind of reaction I muster. A movie can receive up to 5 popcorn buckets. Why popcorn buckets? Because I am a slave to the thousand + calorie delight! Enjoy!

Predators

They'll Be Back
[Adrien Brody, Danny Trejo, Topher Grace, Alice Braga, Walter Coggins]



RANT: Just when you thought I could not find something to rant about, here I go again! I arrived to a fairly crowded theater for the first matinee of the day. I sat in the first row in front of a group of teenage boys. They were yacking it up before the previews started and continued to tell each other which of the movies they were going to see based on the quality of the trailers. But worse than that, they started their own DVD commentary throughout the movie. I told them to shut up a couple of times, but to no avail. I then started scouting for another seat, but could not find similar as good as the seat I had already claimed before the lights dimmed. Why is it that some people, young or old, believe that courtesy to others in a movie theater is optional?

SYNOPSIS: A group of assorted mercenaries, soldiers and thugs are assembled on a "gaming preserve" planet to serve as prey to the alien race of warrior Predators.

As a fan of all of the "Alien" quadralogy, the first "Predator" movie and the "Aliens vs Predators" films, I was looking forward to the Robert Rodriguez produced and Nimrod Antal directed continuation of the "Predator" franchise.

Going back to its roots, "Predators" pay homage to the original material, as well as bridging Schwarzenegger's Dutch back into the universe's mythology. And any fan of the original will enjoy the almost direct parallels between the singular and plural films, from the gatling gun that Bill Duke's Mac and Oleg Taktarov's Nikolai both carried, to the blade showdown that RIchard Chaves' Poncho and Louis Ozawa Changchien's Hanzo have with the alien species. Even the final showdown in the sequel is tinged with the mud of its predecessor.

Fresh off of "Armored", Antal seems to know his way around an ensemble flick. And it shows. Each member of the newly-formed squad is a warrior-killer in their own right, from ex-military merc Royce to government operative Isabelle to Yakuza enforcer Hanzo to death-row inmate Stans. Throw in a tropical militia death-squad fighter and a Russian special forces soldier for good measure, and the stage is set. The only character out of place in this platoon is Topher's Edwin, a knowledgeable doctor with seemingly no survival skills, although he does serve hos purpose. The tension is palatable as they struggle with their surroundings and each other. The dialogue is short and terse, because talking is for the weak. Talking does not get the job done, action does.

Though the action is not overly-choreographed, it doesn't need to be. A rain of bullets have a dance all their own. Not only do the "good guys" have to contend with the mostly camouflaged trio of Predators, they also have to face predator hell hounds and other quarry series brought to the gaming planet. There are some decent hand-to-hand fights and the heat during the final battles are turned up full. There is even a special cameo for the group that is both a blessing and a curse, to them and himself.

The story both simmers and boils over. Any soldier knows that the waiting is the hardest part. And for the audience, it's all worth while. The Predators stay elusive for the first half of the film, striking and disappearing back into the jungle, picking off their prey one at a time, finding weaknesses, learning and adapting. But Brody and crew also learn and adapt. Our world's monsters and bogeymen against a species dedicated to evolving into relentless and precise killers. Its hard to know sometimes who to root for.

But for fans of the multi-mandible menaces, this film is for you.

Worth: Matinee and a DVD

I am also trying out a new rating system shown below based on reader reaction to my somewhat complex monetary rating scale. I will give both ratings and see what kind of reaction I muster. A movie can receive up to 5 popcorn buckets. Why popcorn buckets? Because I am a slave to the thousand + calorie delight! Enjoy!

out of 5 popcorn buckets